Birth Parent Search

This is NOT a web page where you, the Adoptee, can expect to find a Birth-Parent, NOR IS IT a place where you, the Birth-Parent, can expect to find a child you gave up for adoption. It is a straight forward outline of some of the investigative problems encountered in such searches and a general approach to successfully addressing those issues.

With a proper mind set, you who are determined to make this very emotional search, can avoid much of the expense and frustration so often associated with such an undertaking. We hope to be able to assist you in plotting a logical and safe course toward your objective.

Step 1 - Do you really want to do this?

If you are an adopted child -

Will this quest hurt the parents who raised you -- your adoptive parents?

When you find your birth parent, will the disclosure that you exist, hurt your birth parent or those who are currently their family?

Will you be rejected?

If you are a birth parent -

Do you have a right to disrupt the lives of the child and the adoptive parents who devoted their lives to raising the child you gave up?

Will you be rejected?

Unless you are very comfortable with the answers to the foregoing questions, don't start the search.

Step 2 - Assuming you have given yourself a green light, you must start gathering information.

This is the most critical point of the search. If you make a mistake here, or start out with bad information, you will probably fail. The person conducting the search is so anxious for information, that all too often they blindly accept as fact, all manner of garbage!

Most of the time this bad information comes from well meaning relatives who repeat as fact, unverified rumors and stories.

The most damaging bad information is probably spelling errors. You must do everything possible to verify spelling.

Start by looking for official documents. If all you have is a birth certificate that gives your date and place of birth, start with that. Let that be the benchmark of your search. It may not take you very far, but it will not lead your investigation in the wrong direction. Once you go off in the wrong direction, you are doing nothing more than wasting money!

Your first objective is to get the name of the person for whom you are looking -- and it must be spelled correctly. This sounds obvious, but all too often the spelling of the name is phonetic and nicknames are often accepted as Gospel by the searcher. That is a recipe for failure!

Sometimes, the only thing the searcher knows for certain is a first name! We have been fortunate enough to find a child for a birth parent, armed only with a first name and a date of birth. The important thing is accurate information. Even small amounts of accurate information can be helpful. Inaccurate information can be nothing but damaging if you use it. Evaluate every bit of information you have. Most of the time a failure in judgment in such an evaluation can cause serious problems.

Step 3 - Once you have a name of the person you are searching for, your best bet is to hire a PI. Use his or her experience and judgment to evaluate the information you have and if appropriate, start looking in the right places.

I know that there are resources on the Internet that offer data and encourage do-it-yourself searches. As long as you don't spend a lot of money on these services you will probably not do much damage. However, there is a lot more to investigation than searching a database and your chances of success with this approach are small.

Step 4 - What if you do not have a reliable source of information about the person for whom you are searching?

The answer is simple -- do not hire a PI! Hire a lawyer! Before you spend another cent on this search, hire a lawyer to petition the court, in the state where the adoption took place, for an unsealing of the records. See Adoption Records - State Law

You will have to talk to a lawyer about whether your petition will be granted by the courts of that state. It is our opinion that this is the type of thing that requires the services of an attorney skilled in family law in the state where the adoption took place. Ideally, find a lawyer who has a record of success in this type of action. See Family Law - Adoption Law Attorneys

The one scenario that comes to mind is the case of the female child who was given up for adoption. She is now an adult and is about to have children herself. Her physician says that the family health history is necessary to give her and her baby proper care. That type of petition might release enough information to get you started. Once you have the correct name from the sealed record, hire a PI to bring your search to a successful conclusion.

There is currently discussion of adoption related searches in Kaplan Responds. You may wish to review that discussion.

Among other things, we want you to be able to avoid the fast buck artists who make a living promising everything and rarely producing anything in such inquiries. Because of that, we had some misgivings prior to publishing the list of Adoptee/Missing Persons Registries, Databases & Locating Services which follows on another page. It is important that you the searcher, be attuned to the pros and the cons of such services.

STOP!! Before you click on that yellow hyperlink, spend another 30 seconds reading this page!

On the positive side, although the potential for finding the person you are seeking through Adoptee/Missing Persons Registries, Databases & Locating Services are slim, there is a chance you will get lucky and hit pay-dirt.

We know of a few such listings that have succeeded because licensed PIs have seen the listing on the Internet and have taken it on their own initiative to put the searcher and the person being sought together -- at no charge! Obviously, PIs who have done this sort of thing will rarely admit it, lest they be swamped by people seeking free services! But, there is always a chance. If it were my personal search, I would probably sign up for such a service, but read below of the pitfalls about which I would be very wary.

Most people who run the services are honest, and hope to provide you with something of value. However, you must keep in mind that you are very emotionally involved in this search. For that reason, you are more vulnerable than normal to be victimized. Here is a short list of the types of thing to look out for.

The smallest risk is that you might be overcharged for the service. How much is it worth? Pretty much whatever you are willing to pay. I would not pay more than 10% of my search budget for a permanent listing in a service that was on the Internet. I would not pay anything to a service that is not on the Internet.

As I said, the cost of the listing is the smallest risk! Once you have signed up -- or even before that, you may get pitched by a person who calls himself or herself a "tracer", a "searcher", an "information broker", a "researcher" or even an "investigator". Before you sign anything or give them any money, call the PI licensing authority in your state. Find out from the PI licensing authority if a PI license is required for the service that you are thinking of buying. If it is, and the person making the sales pitch to you is not licensed by the PI licensing authority, do not give that person a dime! The licensing laws are there to protect you from con artists and others with a criminal record. However, the law cannot protect you from your own blunders and poor judgment! If the person you are dealing with is even half way legitimate, he or she will give you the name and the phone number of the PI licensing authority. In most states, you should be directing your inquiry to the State Police, the State Attorney General or the State Consumer Affairs Division. More to the point, in most states it is against the law to conduct such an investigation without a PI license. Don't let any smooth talking con artist tell you otherwise!

We came across a "searcher" a few years ago who lied when he said that a PI license was not required for such work. He even conned a newspaper reporter into writing a favorable article on the "successes" that he had. Clearly the reporter had not verified her facts before she wrote the story. The scammer actually made his money as a full time equipment operator. The computer he used for his "searches" was an antique with neither a CD Drive or a modem! He charged $500 for his services and promised that he would "never give up".

Once one of these services get your name, expect to receive all sorts of solicitations to buy goods and services that will purport to help you succeed in your search. You can expect to be asked to buy magazines, join organizations, take courses, subscribe to services, get psychic readings and hire "experts", all in the name of helping you succeed in your search.

You must remember that there are con artists out there just waiting to pounce of a situation of a particular kind. Look for example, how vulnerable an older parent can be searching for a child given, or taken away decades earlier. Think about how easy it might be for an unscrupulous individual to impersonate a long sought after child -- and thus become heir to the unwitting birth-parent's estate. Think about how credible such an impersonation might be made if the birth-parent first revealed a lot of personal facts to a psychic or "searcher" or database operator who was in league with the impersonator!

So there you have just a few of the reasons I worry about using Adoptee/Missing Persons Registries, Databases & Locating Services, yet fall short of telling you not to use them. PIs are licensed and have been investigated by the state, while the others have not. PIs have been screened for honesty and integrity. As a group, PIs have a much cleaner history than the population in general. However, since there is no PI, as far as I know, who maintains a clearing house for persons searching for a birth-parent or a child given up for adoption, I cannot ignore the possible benefits of the Adoptee/Missing Persons Registries, Databases & Locating Services.

Our advice is, if you do decide to register with an Adoptee/Missing Persons Registries, Databases & Locating Services , is to involve a friend, relative, clergyman, attorney or even a PI, in this, every step of the way. The idea here is use the judgment of somebody, who unlike yourself, is not clouded by emotion. Above all, keep your eye on the money! Give them no more than $50 or $100 for a listing and run as fast as you can if they come back for more or try to sell you anything at all!

In what may be a partial solution to balancing the risks and benefits of an Adoptee/Birth Parent Registry, some states have created and administer such registries. You might wish to make inquiry to see if your state has such a program. See Adoption Records - State Law. I'm afraid that you will find that in some, if not all states, the names on the registry are not publicized and the only way a match is made is for both parties to register. I do not doubt that this would be a less effective tool than a list published on the Internet. Nevertheless, it would be prudent to place your name with a state managed registry if one exists. If your search of the Internet fails to tell you if such a registry exists, try phoning the State Department of Health or the Bureau of Vital Statistics in the State where the birth took place.